when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
