Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
