All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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