the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
