just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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