My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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