I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
