OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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