I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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