I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
