hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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