I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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