someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
