Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
