I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
