Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
