Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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