It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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