So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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