rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Pooping to opera.
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