Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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