I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
