i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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