Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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