he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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