i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
