Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
