this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
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I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
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No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day