Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That accounts for only three of the penises
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You grabbed my dick don't call me son