I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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