Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
