You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office