I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
