at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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