Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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