you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
