Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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