Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize