we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
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I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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