Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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