For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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