i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
