Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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