this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When did angry sex become our thing?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
