I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
