I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
