dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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