How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
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Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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