Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
