and i looked up. we had an audience...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
