I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
