I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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