so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
