i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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