Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize