I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
