all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize