I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
