My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
