I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize