Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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