you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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