never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i've created a new STD.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
